I just realized that you cannot expect the good things in life to be achieved through a shortcut.
Especially if you have pride and and dignity.
Like for example, yes you may have a glittering personality, such good looks, with a good sense of humour, or you are maybe so popular among your peers and your acquaintances, but that, won't really get you anywhere if you didn't use your brain. Your brain was there for a reason, I think a powerful entity to have created us with a brain wanted us to figure out the world by ourselves, otherwise if that entity would have just wanted us to follow things automatically, a brain would be useless.
It really bothers me, that there is a possibility for women and even men to get around life dependent on a rich partner, a rich husband or a rich wife. I cannot fathom this, I do not want to become like this because I have this pride that just bothers me all the time. I cannot let this happen, but under certain circumstances, I find myself always inclined to be lent or given some big amount of money without me asking them. What power is that? What sort of actions that led to this mystery? Is it the fault of their raging hormones?(for specific circumstances Or is it just their genuine kindness that they see me like they have to support me? Do they see an investment in me or am I projecting some sort of atmosphere unto them that I in fact, need some cash? Or does it painfully qualify as gold digging?
For all these people who have supported me financially, so especially, I want to tell you that I want to return all the kindness that you have shown and given me, I do wanna keep this promise and I want to do all good things for you too. I feel the world is giving me such endless possibilities with your money that I sometimes cannot stomach the special treatment. I cannot take it sometimes, it is so uncomfortable to be talking about money, even holding it. I dread it. I really do. In the context of it not being mine.
I feel stupid with money and the lack of it.
I have this dream, to be super rich and then treat all those people to grand vacations because I have felt so much joy and happiness when they saw the misfortune I was going through. Or they saw that, I needed to have some sort of fun with them but not having the cash to do that, they decided to tell me, it is all on them. Right now, all I can give are promises, that will take a long time for me to accomplish. But I hope to gain pride and dignity to help me reach my goals.
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When it was November 2, maybe 9 days ago. It was my birthday, I was expecting myself to arrive at a resolution, or a new point of view about myself. Thinking how do you improve more, you know some deep random rubble I was going through, my expectations were so high upon myself hoping I can solve this mystery that I am. I started to ask painful questions about myself, my fears, even my shortcomings I needed to face. I invite you to ask these yourself too. Here are the sample questions:
1. Have I hurt somebody?
2. Have I been reckless?
3. Am I not really so sophisticated after all?
4. What are the things I'm afraid of happening?
5. How is my spiritual life?
6. Have I been constantly feeding myself of the information that I am ok?
not necessarily needing any improvement?
7. Is facebook really damaging, or is it just me that looks at it that way? (applicable to anything)
8. Have I been constantly feeding myself of the information that I am not ok?
not deserving of any love?
9. Don't I need to change my points of view about certain issues like, purity having to matter in a relationship, or the importance of being loyal to your partner, or what are the compromises do I have to do?
10. Am I ready to accept criticisms almost about everything?
11. What are the things that I am afraid or ready to leave?
These questions are so painful, that after so many days after my birthday, I realize how wrong my principles were for the past couple of months. I had been lost on the road, I didn't know where to go, or what am I going somewhere for? What my purpose was, I was shocked to know my mistakes.
My wrong decisions, the illusion that I am fine, looked up to, or even admired. These aren't real.
Bottom line is we need to accept our mistakes and our weaknesses. The criticisms and the painful words of people to us may be the most honest and the best thing that could ever happen to the improvement of our lives.
That compliments can put our spirits up, yes, but it also invites us to a comfortable zone that we are afraid to leave. Thus giving us the illusion that we are not in need of any upgrading. It is sick, to be put in this place where you think you are glorified by the number of "likes" in your pictures, or how many people are attracted to you, in the long run you will tend to think the whole sum of your existence is ok. But generally, I always think that whoever the hell you are, you might need a little levelling up to do. right?
Being honest to yourself is a hard thing to do, some people don't even know how to start.
Challenge is not how we face tomorrow.
Question is how do we face the next minute of our existence by baring our souls to the mirror?
(I would gladly accept comments and conversations about this article. If you have questions, please feel free to message me. I am interested in your opinion. Cheers!)
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