warrior

An urgent need of delight for
A thousand reasons we can't
Fathom, but go thru the door
For a life led away from the bents.

We go struggle to reach a height
Of a lasting mount but we meet
Some folks they try as they might
To pull us down stuck to seat.

Mount mount we go up
Theres no rest for the us.

CODENAME: EMMA

I have tried running, not because I wanted to lose weight primarily. But to satisfy this nagging desire to run. I have noticed that during running, I never wanted to run again and again in the same circles or in the same places. I prefer long distance running, this is what I want to achieve.

There are goals that I want to reach this first half of the year. First, I need to work my ass off to achieve a financial goal I have been wanting. To do that, I must maintain a healthy body, I must sleep well, I must eat well. 

So far, I have been doing these things. I am also trying to fight depression and fatigue through exercise. I eat a lot of vegetables and try to keep a healthy appetite. I haven't smoked in months. I don't even have the desire to touch it. Smoke now disgusts me, I wear a face mask all the time. 

Every other day, I run almost 3 miles. The farthest I have run is so short still, it takes me one hour to finish the track. I wear a watch to track time and some music. I don't bring any money at all. For this tempts me to take the jeep and ride the rest of the way home. So, I leave myself with no choice but to run. Run and Run. 

I have been jogging for two weeks now. Surpassing the other time and track each day I try to run again. For example, I ran 30 minutes today non stop, so tomorrow I will try 40. This is a mind set Ive been keeping, not to lose weight, but to keep a healthy mind and disposition. 

I notice that, my form is also changing. My breathing is becoming rhythmic while running, instead of the short breaths I have usually. It is also easy for me to sleep and wake up while at work and while at home. I can manage my appetite well, I tend to grab water instead of sugary stuff. 

I told myself, If I continually subject my body to consistent hard work, it will eventually get used to it, and receive the pounding it gets from the mind, thus, following. I also tried that at work, work is hard, its mentally hard. But while running, I realized that if I want to learn more and more about work, I need to subject it to an environment which welcomes challenge and pressure, and hard work. And the mind will follow.

I am having a good week. I have done all I could to keep things in check. I tried my best to surpass my weaker self. 

But the best weeks are yet to come. 

cyberpunk love

You will never ever understand my feelings and my heartaches.
You won't. Ever.

So, maybe i should wait for somebody who can heal my broken spirit. My broken self. You will never again reach the deepest part of my being, like a well filled with tears only from what was lost between us.

I would like to turn into a machine.

alien eyes.

When i think_i think too much_ then_ it will hurt my head_ so_ i might have migraine_my eyes are starting to be painful_work_work_work_we should have no excuse_._._

work is fun fun fun

#getchafreakon

Forgetting romance you trusted and took care of is not easy to forget.

But definitely doable.

im quitting coffee

miss this place because of you.

Mr. Blackstar

We used to be good friends.. Didn't we?
Our connection is still strong, even if we don't think about it.

But, where the hell are you now?

It got harder to breathe

                     Hills and stuff

                     Fog excess

                     Child's Mind
     

                              Kinda cool

Surreal Escapism

Funk It Up

I had a medical examination yesterday in preparation for my new job.

It was all mechanical, the whole process. It was stiff yet everything was taken seriously. The way the nurses and the medtechs spoke to us were detailed, straight to the point. The chitty chats were kept to a minimum.

The woman in a blue scrubsuit with a severe look on her face, like, "i-aint-here-to-talk-bull-with-you" kinda atmosphere, swiftly took a new syringe from the syringe stack. Immediately tying my arm with some rubber to let my veins show up or something, and sticking the syringe into my unknowing skin. Fuck that hurt a little bit, but i didnt show my pain or fear. She took blood. She did.

I was asked to have my fingerprints taken using some kind of fingerprint recording device, it took me a while to understand the man's instructions, i felt challenged because its as if my listening skills were not good enough because i have forgotten how it is to communicate with filipinos, since i have worked for a japanese company for a year and a half.

I promised myself to train my ears to Filipino and English instructions.

So, i got home. Took a crap and submitted a small amount of it in a plastic covered cup. In all a swift manner.

I decided to quit smoking, and lessen the booze, ive got bigger dreams than get wasted and look old. Hahaha!

What a challenge!

Still reading murakami. I love him so much.