Do not go gentle into that good night

Do not go gentle into that good night, 
Old age should burn and rave at close of day; 
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. 

Though wise men at their end know dark is right, 
Because their words had forked no lightning they 
Do not go gentle into that good night. 

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright 
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. 

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, 
they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. 
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight 

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, 
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. 
And you, my father, there on the sad height, 

Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. 
Do not go gentle into that good night. 
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. 


--dylan thomas

Hikaru. Gratitude.

Hikaru, 

       Hi, again, I just wanna say, Happy New Year to you! It may seem like its embarrassing to be writing a letter for you publicly, but this is one way to show my appreciation for you. For one year, we had been together. And in that one year, I have learned so many countless things from you. I became a stronger person because of you, my mind became clearer and my dreams became something that I wanted to achieve. I have learned loyalty and real love with you. I felt so much kindness yet I also felt real sadness, but that is normal when it comes to love. 

      Thank you for always taking care of me, for always pushing me to the safer side of the road! I have loved you, and I think I always will. No matter what, I will support you, whatever your decisions in life, I will be here to tell you the things you need to hear. 

     

      I continually am interested in Japan, and in your world. I have become a part of it, with that, I am happy. I wanted to write this letter, while my feelings are still fresh and real. Because writing frees me, then I wanna free my heart, and share to the world this love I only feel for you. I think it is the best time to say my feelings. 

 Continue to be the light in the lives of other people. You are one of the brightest lights in my life that will

so continually sparkle. 

With love,

Jahnina

Dirty Dream

   
        I dreamt about my teeth falling out just this morning. I woke up crying because of the terrifying realistic vivid images my dream has left me to reimagine with. My hands were clenched into fists because in my dream, I desperately held my fallen teeth, (2 teeth to be exact). I saw my hands and they ached because of the force I used to protect my teeth. I cried for my mom twice and she came to my rescue. Due to her obsession with superstitions, I was immediately asked to bite a piece of wood while tears rushed out of my eyes. Apparently, in our culture, this meant that there's an impending death of a someone we know. I forced myself to carefully bite our furniture's arm rest on my knees.

I researched about this dream. And often it would tell me that I have some insecurities with the way I look, or I just ended a relationship, or the fear of getting a new job, pretty much transitional stuff about this. And also one way of interpreting your own dreams is that, try to imagine the emotion you felt in your dream, and look for situations in your life wherein you felt the same way.

So, my fear of my teeth falling out's emotion is total anxiety and helplessness might be connected to my weight gain, getting a new job and being far from the person i love.

Actually, I dreamt twice about teeth falling out. But the last one is a level higher in intensity. It felt more real and painful. More vivid and disturbing.

Must be the story of my life.

Under elevated shrubs.

I have no desire to talk, or listen. For just a couple of days, I cease to remain interested in the things that would have normally made me enthusiastic. I cringe at the thought of sharing my latest heartache to the people who know me a lot. I'm afraid I will break down.

But being messaged that I have a possibility of getting a job thrills me more than what I appear to be. I will try to live frugally and honestly, never hurt anyone, not start another relationship that will cause someone's heart to break.

We all just needed some break time.

One person told me, we should smile at the endless possibilities of the future. And I do understood what he meant, for it was all that I'd have to have when the war time comes for all the lonely people.

Shoreless

Scary Trivia #1- I'm scared of uninhabited islands. With shitload of monkeys in it.

There's so much more to see.

Thai food

I ate so much in Thailand i actually pooped at the Suvarnabhumi airport when i arrived and when i had my departure for the Philippines. I also pooped 4 times on my first day there and i really loved the food soooo freakin much. I need to get back to Thailand, eat some more.

I realized the good points of the Filipinos. I also saw the bad ones.

Filipinos do smile more all the time. And it makes me proud.

Nail Polish

I have done something terrible.
I was tempted and a little misinformed.
A little greedy, maybe even a little evil.

I put my hands inside the plastic bag with
her name on it, then I grabbed what wasn't mine,
and switched them with mine that I thought don't
suit me.

She called. Hell, I had to lie. She knew,
and everybody did.

It was a total shame,
I regret it.
I even replayed the scenario, just wishing
that it was better to have left the things
the way they were.

I have looked down on myself,
I am not a saint, i wasn't perfect
I was a thief at some point,
and I am no different.

I have hurt her feelings.
And I am just soo damn sorry for
everything that was today.